Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
