the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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