apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
