there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The ass gains better be worth it
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