maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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