I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
