Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
