So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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