Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this boner is exhausting
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
