I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
