Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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