I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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