I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
