Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
