theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
