the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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