so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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