you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
