I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
