Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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