he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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