please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
