She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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