At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
