It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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