she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
