With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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