Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
