he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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