Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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