I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
