like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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