She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
