Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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