i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
