just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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