Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
