I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
