i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
