apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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