2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
