this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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