anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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