She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
