I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just threw up on my dentist
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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