Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
