I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if only i could text you this smell
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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