Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
