I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
