Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
