got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
