And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
