True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
